Gifts of Life

One of the earliest photos I have of myself, is the class photo when I was in "preparatory" class. Then the nursery classes were called lkg, ukg & preparatory. So that was my 6th year of life. I remember my friends from that class, remember my teacher and had in fact met her later in my student life. So for me, anything before my 6th year is a blur and after that I remember several things. When I realise that my kids are now in their 6th year, three thoughts come to my mind - "you are getting old, but great memory, wow, kids are already there!"

The last comment is amazing to me because I still remember very vividly the moment they were born on Apr 2nd evening, 2004. That defintely has to be the moment of my life. I remember my brain jammed. There were so much excitement and so many thoughts going through it that I felt I was carrying a numb muscle in my head. I was trying to recollect what all I felt then or if somebody has written on a similar experience felt. 

Recently I read up this rather interesting essay by Atul Chaturvedi called "Gift of Life" in "Chicken Soup for Indian Soul" and I felt he has described most of what I felt when I became a dad. I have reproduced a good portion of that essay here (thanks to Atul) :

"she leaned towards me and handed my daughter over to me. I felt her warmth. She was small, delicate, she was simply beautiful, wrapped in this soft white linen that still seemed too rough for her. Till that moment, I used to think she was mine... but now I realized it is just the opposite. I was hers. I held her close. The true motive of my life stared at me through those half-opened eyes. I was responsible for her now. I had to protect her, nurture her, love her; not because, she was mine but because I was her slave. I knew I wouldn't , even in my dreams, be able to repay her for what she had given me; happiness, contentment, courage.

My heart now beat within this little being.

I had never held a baby before in my life. I felt awkward. And then I remembered she had never been held by anyone in her life. And yet there was no fear in her. If she was not scared to live her first moment then why should I be fearful? She was teaching me things already!

She stopped crying, perhaps because she was in my arms. I thought "Will I be able to protect and comfort her always?" The answer was no. She wasnt going to be with me forever. I was taken aback by the thought. A tiny tear rolled down my cheek. I held onto her, promising myself that I wouldn't waste a moment of our time together. I would teach her everything she would want to know.I would prepare her to face the world. I would be there with her forever. I'm her father.

I'm scared - will I make a good father or a bad one? But I do know this - that I will do my best to make sure that she has a fulfilled life, a happy one. I will make sure that this tiny bundle in my arms will live a better life than I did"

And I felt like this twice in two minutes!